im feeling emoo.

i shouldn't have went.

i shouldn't have. i don't know why but it seems that everytime i see you or something that's yours, it will somehow hurt me. everytime. i feel like telling you all these. but than again, that's not me. if i were to tell you all these, i wouldn't be feeling so much pain right now. i would have probably given up. i would probably have felt way better right now.

i want to erase the memories i had with you. but the walk to srjc is quite a distance and i'll keep thinking about such stuffs. but then again, thinking is kinda redundant, it won't really help. no, it won't help at all.

but in anycase, you've changed tremendously. i preferred the old you. but than again, at times, your old self comes out and makes me confuse. the warmer side of you. i wish i could really say, "i don't like you now" but under certain circumstances, its very hard. maybe you were pretending, maybe you're not that nice afterall. maybe you're just being a flirt.

maybe, i'm wrong.

the pain is so deep. so so deep.

im doing it, again.

从来没爱过， 所以爱错。

srjc orientation

today was fun. but i dont wanna go into details. hahaha.

i want to type about something else.

我喜歡我們之間的關係，
好朋友。
因為這樣，感覺上好像是分不開的男女朋友。
但是...

KAYSIAO LAR!

okay.

i lost it.

I WANT TO SCREAM
&SCREAM
&SCREAM
&SCREAM
&SCREAM
&SCREAM
&SCREAM

OUT LOUD!!!!!!

SO LOUD UNTIL SA WILL ROCK.

SO LOUD UNTIL MY VOICEBOX BURST AND I DON'T HAVE TO TALK AGAIN.

SO LOUD UNTIL MIRROR CRACKS

LYNETTE, YOU SO FREAKING DUMB AND STUPID, CAN'T YOU JUST BE POSITIVE?

BITCH.

IM FEELING SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED.

ARGH.

好了，够了。
让我把这结束掉。
让我把这些悲哀和痛苦都抛出窗外
我还是得活下去
如果我后再见到他，
最少，他不会在我最弱破时看到我

im back from campfeast! fun

let me see, the cadets described alot about me on the appraisal. there were words like,"cute","shweetzxz" etc. but hey, at first, they called me ma'am, than, they called me 'mom', THAN, THEY CALLED ME MAID. HAHAHAHA. walao. cannot make it, i laugh non stop. okay la, rann said i was the mother chicken. MY PC HOR, hahaha. funny crap la he

anyway, i met sooo many new people! people like brendon! i met him through an incident. we were having ice breaking session, so all of us, including pc/apc were sitting in a circle. skali brendon came, and he shouted, "non-muslim raise yur hands!" as i was sitting on the floor, i looked up to him and asked him, "do i need to raise up?" than he hollered at me, "you muslim or non muslim, non muslim of course raise up la!!" so i just kept quiet and rasie my hand. than they kept counting and i kept raising. apparently there was something wrong with the total strength. so i stood up and went to the OIC, than brendon went, "EH! you ma'am ar?! i thought you cadet! no wonder count strength wrongly."

WALAO! all the clts there laugh like hell.

BEN NAI NAI, A CADET!

talking about it, i miss being a cadet.

fish la

serangoon jc, here i come (=

tampines jc, wait for me ar.

i shall call this post, 'a random post'

alot of people are quitting their jobs at courts megastore. all my kawan-kawan quitting lar! kawan-kawan as in people i've met there.

first, it was farhan, than ariff, than now that bugger, than the on top one, now he also! and her and her! and if she quits, the other he will quit also! than there will be left with no one!

well apparently if those few are going, i won't be there either what! wah. than liddat i can spend my week ends with my friends! and sirhan can stop saying that im always busy during sats&suns! hahaha.

some full timers gets on my nerves. really. irritating. they think that they're big and way more experienced than us cos they're FULL TIMERS. eh, please ar. don't come telling me you've eaten more salt than we've eaten rice.

PLEASE!

okay, i wanna sleep. tmr, ill be at HQ ALR!

BAH BAH BLACK SHEEP.

this is my priority

the agency doesn't allow me to take off on sunday. and if i were to take off on sunday, i can't work on saturday also. than i can't get money to buy my stuffs!

than like that, i'll miss my briefing lah! how to be a APC. people will LAUGH. argh.

i think im not strong willed enough. i told my wife that no matter how, ill be back to watch the tv series, but i just missed half of it yesterday cos i hung out amd was watching letters from IWO JIMA. and i though i prioritise that FIRST. HAHA. but come to think of it, it's comical of me. hoho.

im gonna rattle on nothing, so if you don't like it, leave.

THE WEATHER IS SO COOLLLDDD! i like~! hahaha. luckily i didnt went out today. if not, i'll probably be freezing again. HAHA.

seriously, i miss malaysia.. nono, melaka. I MISS THERE LA. i miss feeding the chickens regardless if the babi utan is there or not. i miss my grandma calling me to feed the chickens, i miss the dog at there very badly. i miss my kiddo cousins there. i miss my aunties.

oh yah. talking about cousins. that day, 3 malay boys came over to my grandma house cos they were my cousin friends. EH HEY. they look like some singaporean guys. the FAMILIARANCE! tak boleh angkat ar! all 3 have very nice smile. im sure my cousin is in love with 1 of them. anyway, 1 of them was staring at me for so long, cos i was their maid, had to clear the cups and everything. he stared, and stared and stared. so i stared back. at first, i gave him a smile. and when he kept staring back, with a stupid grin on his face, i got a little weird. HAHA. this is the funny part. skali, he came up to me and said this, "toilet mane ar?"

i laughed! and my cousin laughed and laughed non stop. DAMN HILARIOUS LA. i pointed to the direction of the toilet and said,"rmber to flush, thanks ar"

HAHAHA. funny crap la he.

okay, that was random. can't stand it.

i need to pack my bags. im leaving!

forever!

and forever ends on tuesday! HAHA

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TAJUDDIN!

hope you get lots of black nail polish girls or black nail polish with nail protecter and more talent in nail art! also! more pink for you! HAHA. (=

since it's his birthday, i shall quote him.

Live Your Dance, Dance Your Life.

AC Dance, FOREVER (=

kan chiong spider

i've been thinking alot lately. nono, i've always been thinking. just that recently, it's ALOT of thinking being done in my brain. i think i have to keep myself occupied, so i won't be thinking about so much things. i think i think too much until i get way way paranoid, for the littlest things. bah.

the train ride both to and fro orchard was paralysing. i kept thinking about stuffs. alot of 'what if's' were in my mind when a certain topic caught up. then, i'll get more paranoid. which kinda sucks, cos the kan chiong spider illness will be back, like what bren always describe me, kan chiong spider.

somemore with the type of song i was hearing in mp3, i think i would have gotten crazy if the mrt was emtpy la. but luckily, got 1 bangla sit beside me and was talking so loud until i could hear him with my headphones on. everyone was practically staring at him.

and so, i met the gang at tm courts. while the boys were having their breaks. and than i went to orchard to meet george and sirhan. THE WEATHER WAS FREEZING. i tell you. and they made me watch movie, "Letters From IWO JIMA." it's basically war, on the japanese point of view, a few sad scenes and some, quite retarded la.but the ending wasn't good, quite abrupt. i couldnt really concentrate on the movie cos the guys beside me were kind of sadistic, they were laughing when someone got burnt to death. and the weather was FREEZING, once again im saying, so i couldnt really sit still.

watching sirhan walking with his injured right thigh makes me and george laugh la. the way he walks, according to george, 'macam cat walk'. HAHA. cannot make it la those 2.

oh, and on my way home, there's this couple at my house void deck, making out.

they can kiss anywhere and anytime.

OKAY!. i need to find disposable underwears. got camp! bahh.

soon! (=